Where’s My Money?

Lyrics by Douglas Firestein

I just sold five million records
Don’t give it a second look
You’d never know of my success
Based on my check book

The fat suits at the labels
They steal all of my funds
I’d like to drop some names
It’s not only the American ones

I just got the message
The numbers pissed me off
Bad news on the wire
My monthly earnings call

INDIA!
Where’s my money?
AUSTRALIA!
Where’s my money?
THINGLAND!
Where’s my cash?
Don’t make me take it
Out of Thatcher’s ass!

(Ooh, ooh ooh that ass)

I got a gold smoke detector
A consolation for the overlook
You’d think they’d know better
Now my fists are gonna cook

I visited the office for the label
Next door they sell cinnamon buns
I decided to go there instead
Eat the rest of my minuscule funds

I just learned a lesson
To turn my head and cough
I’m gonna get it in the ass
For every earnings call

CAMBODIA!
Where’s my money?
ETHIOPIA!
Where’s my money?
ICELAND!
Where’s my cash?
Don’t make me go there
And freeze off my ass

(Ooh, ooh ooh that ass)

My apologies to England
I just found the missing check
It still wasn’t very much
But at least you tried to pay it
(Thanks for nothing!)

LITHUANIA!
Where’s my money?
ROMANIA!
Where’s my money?
FINLAND!
Where’s my cash?
They should call you Fingers
Instead of Finns

(Ooh, ooh ooh those finns)