Category: Lyrics

Initiation Written by Douglas Firestein “Ladies and gentleman. This is a song about inclusion. And We all want to be included. But sometimes it takes a little initiation.” So you wanna join the churchBe a member of the brotherhoodJust because you want toDoesn’t mean you Read More …

Black Blessing Written by Douglas Firestein I frequent other churchesTo steal their best ideasAnd package up their sermonsIt’s new to my audience’s ears To gain their admirationI have to sell the ideas as my ownThey may have suspicionsBut forget before they get home God, please Read More …

Inside Of You Written by Douglas Firestein (Dong…)(Dong…..)(Dong…..…) Try and imagine yourselfIn a world that’s far differentSuckas wearing white robesWith nothing underneath them Noting each other’s crimesBut unable to judge thyselfIt’s time for the Sunday sermonSo let me remove my belt I stand here before Read More …

The Finger Written by Douglas Firestein “This next song is about a little boy named Doug. Sometimes life deals you a bad hand. And sometimes that hand touches you in a funny way. It gets you all confused.” The Sunday paperHits the doorstepI race to Read More …

Dear Father Written by Douglas Firestein Dear FatherCould you be one for me?My mama was all I hadNever met my Daddy Dear FatherI hope you understandI can’t help the things I sayI’m just a damaged man I have said and doneMany things to bring shameDown Read More …

The Recipe Book Written by Douglas Firestein It was only a few years backThe church made a recipe bookSolicited names from the congregationFor all the dishes they like to cook There were a hundred submissionsBut most of the names sucked to meEspecially the one they Read More …

All Are Welcome Here Written by Douglas Firestein I’m the son of a preacher man(No you’re not)I care about the common friend(No you don’t) As I stare out at you all(Your eyes are closed)I see a version of myself(Y’all go to hell) If you’re tired Read More …

Punish The Boy Written by Douglas Firestein On the second SundayOf every other monthThe mayor visits the churchAsking a favor from us We go to the back roomAnd he lays upon the deskThe usher locks the doorAnd the celebration begins It’s hard to run the Read More …

Lord Bless Me Written by Douglas Firestein I raise my hands to heavenGrab a hold of the holy nutsGive them a gentle squeezeLike in the book of Testicus If I grab the sacred meatHe’ll surely scream in painJust like all those womenI made yell out Read More …

The Collar Written by Douglas Firestein The new church on main streetHas a pastor everyone respectsHe thinks he’s something specialAnd I really hate to see that I wanted a glimpse into his lifeSo I hired a private dickI’ve got enough pictures and videoTo cause a Read More …