The Finger

Written by Douglas Firestein

“This next song is about a little boy named Doug. Sometimes life deals you a bad hand. And sometimes that hand touches you in a funny way. It gets you all confused.”

The Sunday paper
Hits the doorstep
I race to read it
In pajamas so soft

My sister is smoking
My parents are upset
Because we are late
To see the man in the cloth

Hey preacher!
Hey preacher!
Keep your finger
Out of my butt!

Hey preacher!
Hey preacher!
It was fun at first
Now not so much

NOT SO!
(Not so)
NOT SO!
(Not so)
NOT SO!
(Not so)
Not so much fun

The sermon is long
The church door is open
Somebody farted
The congregation is chokin!

Lightning flashed
The building began to glow
Then I went to the bathroom
And talked through the hole

Hey preacher!
Hey preacher!
Keep your finger
Out of my butt!

Hey preacher!
Hey preacher!
It was fun at first
Now not so much

NOT SO!
(Not so)
NOT SO!
(Not so)
NOT SO!
(Not so)
Not so much fun

I’m a Kung Fu christian!
Karate chops of faith
Taking out the preacher
Like Moses eats a steak

Hey preacher!
Hey preacher!
Keep your finger
Out of my butt!

Hey preacher!
Hey preacher!
It was fun at first
Now not so much

NOT SO!
(Not so)
NOT SO!
(Not so)
NOT SO!
(Not so)
Not so much fun