Sacrilege

Written by Douglas Firestein

On the eighth day of Christmas
I was jerkin’ off in the lab
Saving a puddle of my batter
Inside a zip-lock bag

This tasty treat was donated
To the local church bazaar
They used it as shaving cream
On the Nun’s private parts

Mystery Conception
Oh, how can it be?
Accidentally inseminated
Shaving with my cream!

Merry Jizzmas!
On that Christmas cooch
I know you were excited
Of course I was too
If you wanna sip scrotum tea
Or lap up that nut nog
Don’t forget to brush your teeth
With paste from my yule log

(Do do do do do)
NUT!
(Do do do do do)
NUT SACRILEGE!

The church didn’t expect this
The congregation just left
Seeing all those white sisters
Drop babies that are black

Now the church is foreclosed
I bought it for a hundred fifty three
That’ll teach God to interfere when
Coca-Cola wants to place a machine

Secret Deception
Oh, how can it be?
Coke will get the blame
But Pepsi hired me

Merry Jizzmas!
On that Christmas cooch
I know you were excited
Of course I was too
If you wanna sip scrotum tea
Or lap up that nut nog
Don’t forget to brush your teeth
With paste from my yule log

(Do do do do do)
NUT!
(Do do do do do)
NUT SACRILEGE!

The sisters they were strong
The Lord pulled them through
Check the label’s catalog
They made a Christmas record too!

Merry Jizzmas!
On that Christmas cooch
I know you were excited
Of course I was too
If you wanna sip scrotum tea
Or lap up that nut nog
Don’t forget to brush your teeth
With paste from my yule log

(Do do do do do)
NUT!
(Do do do do do)
NUT SACRILEGE!