Tag: Merry Fistmas

Sacrilege Written by Douglas Firestein On the eighth day of ChristmasI was jerkin’ off in the labSaving a puddle of my batterInside a zip-lock bag This tasty treat was donatedTo the local church bazaarThey used it as shaving creamOn the Nun’s private parts Mystery ConceptionOh, Read More …

Christmas Wreath Written by Douglas Firestein (Sweet child, sweet sweet child)(It’s mother fuckin’ christmas day) It’s time to scrape the drivewayWith your crooked front teethShave the hair off your ballsBuild myself a Christmas wreathI’ll watch the birds build a nestIn your pubic hair for warmthCos Read More …

Festival of Lights Written by Douglas Firestein Hear the children singThe sound of laughter aboundAs they play with the giftsOlder siblings handed down Times are tight for suckasRunnin’ games on the streetPuttin’ themselves before familyNow they gotta answer to me Goodbye darknessHello light Cut a Read More …

Ornaments Written by Douglas Firestein Christmas eve is hereThe children lie in bedSuckas breakin’ into housesTryin’ to rob shit from them But little do they knowOld Dougie is here waitin’To give them the poundin’I spent all year anticipatin’ (Fa la la la)Better get to spreadin’(Fa Read More …

Advent Calendar Written by Douglas Firestein The snow won’t stop meIce won’t keep me awayThe winter is my bitchI own her every day Christmas is about joySuckas like you won’t getThis is your last ChristmasNext year you’ll be dead Gonna cut off every fingerEach tiny Read More …

Chimney Written by Douglas Firestein I’ve been keeping tabsWatching your every moveSuckas under surveillanceIt ain’t nothing new Your girl hired me this yearTired of the gifts you’ve givenShe deserves the best ChristmasEven if you are in prison Give her the gift she really wantsThe holidays Read More …

Slowly (The Bugle) Written by Douglas Firestein Come sit on my lapTell me what you wantNothing is off-limitsI’m your Santa Claus You can honk, honk, honkHonk on the red noseDon’t be afraid, afraid, afraidWhere the antler goes Take a trip on my sleighWe’ll fly the Read More …

Little Buck Rudolph Written by Douglas Firestein Hear them sleigh bells jingleSounds like pocket changeYou’re about to be giftedA beat-down at close range You’ve been a very bad boyBut I’m very good at my jobI have a problem with youI’m gonna take out on your Read More …

My Brown Fist Written by Douglas Firestein I’ve been watching all yearWaiting for the perfect timeI’ve had so many chancesBut it never felt quite right Now the time has comeThere ain’t no holdin’ backI’m dropping by your place laterThere’s a gift i want you to Read More …

Gift of Greatness Written by Douglas Firestein “Praise to the lordDouglas has comeHe’s gonna bust your face….“ Feel the bitter cold airPress against your skinIt’s my favorite time of yearFor taking out the pricks Suckas be riding highCommitting crimes for cashI may be full of Read More …