What’s On Tonight?

Written by Douglas Firestein

So you wanna be a TV star?
I can get you on the small screen
There ain’t no shortage of suckas
Who wanna get into acting

I am working on a script
About a man with nine lives
I’ll let you star in it…
If you’re willing to die

I could always put your head
Straight through the screen
Watch the glass cut your flesh
As it slides right in

Perhaps i might grab an antenna
Push the ears up your ass
Then Turn on the TV
See what reception it gets

YEAH! LETS SEE WHAT CHANNELS COME IN!

So you wanna be a TV star?
Shining on the small screen
I have the perfect role for you
It’s a drama with violent scenes

The show would air each week
Late on Saturday nights
Sandwiched between two comedies
So i can watch you and the ratings die

I could always put your head
Straight through the screen
Watch the glass cut your flesh
As it slides right in

Perhaps i might grab an antenna
Push the ears up your ass
Turn on the TV
See what reception it gets

YEAH! LETS SEE WHAT CHANNELS COME IN!

(What’s on tonight?)
Whoa oh lets check and see
(What’s on tonight?)
Not much worth mentioning
(What’s on tonight?)
Let me just rotate this antenna
Gotta see if channels come in BETTER

I could always put your head
Straight through the screen
Watch the glass cut your flesh
As it slides right in

Perhaps i might grab an antenna
Push the ears up your ass
Turn on the TV
See what reception it gets

YEAH! LETS SEE WHAT CHANNELS COME IN!