$50.00
Firestein Golden Stapler™
Out of stock
Description
Behold the office accessory that answers the question absolutely no one asked: What if a stapler had the ego of a minor celebrity and the subtlety of a gold-plated dump truck? The Douglas Firestein Golden Stapler is here to blind your coworkers, confuse your accountant, and remind everyone that taste is optional.
Features (if you can call them that)
- 100% Gaudy Exterior: Dipped in a shade of gold so loud it legally counts as a workplace hazard.
- Standard Stapling Ability: Yes, it staples. No, it doesn’t do it better than a $3 one from the drugstore.
- Firestein Signature Flair: A finish so shiny Douglas insists it “reflects his inner brilliance,” which is unfortunate for anyone sitting nearby.
- Conversation Starter: Mostly the kind that begins with “Why?” and ends with “Seriously, why?”
Ideal For
- Desks that need more drama
- People who want to look successful without doing anything
- Anyone who believes office supplies should be emotionally overwhelming
Disclaimer
This stapler provides no productivity boost, no ergonomic advantage, and no spiritual enlightenment. It simply exists—loudly, proudly, and unnecessarily—just like Douglas Firestein.
