Author: chetmaverick

The Recipe Book Written by Douglas Firestein It was only a few years backThe church made a recipe bookSolicited names from the congregationFor all the dishes they like to cook There were a hundred submissionsBut most of the names sucked to meEspecially the one they Read More …

All Are Welcome Here Written by Douglas Firestein I’m the son of a preacher man(No you’re not)I care about the common friend(No you don’t) As I stare out at you all(Your eyes are closed)I see a version of myself(Y’all go to hell) If you’re tired Read More …

Punish The Boy Written by Douglas Firestein On the second SundayOf every other monthThe mayor visits the churchAsking a favor from us We go to the back roomAnd he lays upon the deskThe usher locks the doorAnd the celebration begins It’s hard to run the Read More …

Lord Bless Me Written by Douglas Firestein I raise my hands to heavenGrab a hold of the holy nutsGive them a gentle squeezeLike in the book of Testicus If I grab the sacred meatHe’ll surely scream in painJust like all those womenI made yell out Read More …

The Collar Written by Douglas Firestein The new church on main streetHas a pastor everyone respectsHe thinks he’s something specialAnd I really hate to see that I wanted a glimpse into his lifeSo I hired a private dickI’ve got enough pictures and videoTo cause a Read More …

Church of Firestein Written by Douglas Firestein “Welcome one and all to the Church of Firesteen. I am so happy to see all your smiling faces. I wanna take you on a journey. A journey full of hope. A journey built on faith. But mostly, Read More …